Religion and Politics, Gooney...

..stay the fuck away from them.
I know, I know.
But this is way beyond politics. It is a story about how NASA now believes we need to curb our greenhouse emissions to protect us from aliens who might see all of this pollution, and realize we’re advanced and therefore a threat.
I shit you not.
I can’t make stuff like this up. I wish I could. I wish I got paid to sit around with a vile of acid the size of a mayonnaise jar and talk to all the other “geniuses” and go “Whoa, dude, like, what if, like, what if aliens see all this pollution and say “Hey, these fucking guys, these guys need to go, because otherwise they’ll get too big and then they’ll be a threat.” Because they didn’t notice us before, right? They didn’t get our SETI signal for the last twenty years, right? They didn’t see our guys traipsing around on the moon, right? They don’t see the confetti-like trash we left all over the place while we were flying to Mars, Saturn, all those places, right? They don’t see the Giant Fucking Telescope floating right out there in the open, with little people in space suits crawling all over it, waving, looking through it in a desperate search to find these same, elusive aliens, RIGHT?
But now, after all this time, we get something that relates to a maybe rational thought. All these years after someone gave these fucking schmucks a hundred billion taxpayer dollars, they finally come out with the theory to end all theories about extra-terrestrial intelligence. And what is this incredible, profound, earth shattering thought?
It’s that no matter what we do to prove our intelligence, they think that aliens think (despite the fact that they’ve revised their numbers and admitted there very well may not BE aliens) that no matter what, the way you judge a civilization’s intelligence, is their own ability to destroy themselves.
I’m going to give you a minute to digest that…

















Are you now as smart now as you were before you read that? Of Fucking Course Not! This is the stupidest thing I’ve seen since Jackass 3-D! And at least those guys know their stupid, these fucking schmucks think this passes for intelligence. The sad thing is, before this article could be written, someone had to actually pose this as a general threat, and then ten other meatheads had to nod and go “Yes, yes, this is certainly a thought worth entertaining” and then they took MY MONEY and paid themselves while they studied it, and then someone had to get paid to type up this revolutionary new thought process.
Let me clue you in on something, Mr. Scientist, and it’s free: We have been making it patently obvious to everything around us that we are a threat to everyone and everything around us since the first fish swam out of the water in the “Garden of Eden” knocked the other fish over the head, fucked his wife, and said “I Am Man.” We haven’t been hiding it! Take that big ass telescope, turn it around, and point it to any spot on this planet, and you’ll see people getting robbed, maimed and murdered.
You know what, hold on…
*click*
My AC is now turned off. We are now officially safe from alien intervention into our self-destructive tendencies. I do it for my fellow man. The rest of you continue to rape and pillage with total impunity, the aliens won’t mind. Someone drop a nuke. I don’t care who you nuke, just fucking nuke someone. The alien’s won’t mind, no big deal. They’ll come down with their little chlorine tester cup and take a bit of our atmosphere and say “No threat here, no need to send Keanu Reeves playing Klaatu, playing Neo, playing Johnny Mnemonic, playing himself (in case you missed it, he plays Klaatu in the movie the Day the Earth Stood Still, in which he is an alien sent to kill humanity for destroying the planet, sound familiar? But, as always, he ends up playing himself) we’re safe.” And then they’ll buzz off to find some other race to kill, and hopefully said race hasn’t had a volcanic eruption any time soon, because a single volcano erupting puts out more CO2 than all the humans have in the history of mankind – combined!
But it’s okay, they missed that. They missed the Crusades (granted, not the best example of human intelligence), they missed the space race, they missed the whole Little Boy and Fat Man deal, you know that little RC car driving around on Mars? skipped it, but now they’re going to get pissed because of your car. Wait, scratch that, they won’t, my air conditioner is still turned off…
*click*
Now they’ll be pissed…